The R.C.S Inc.

The Rocking Chair Society Inc.

I was thinking of my “rocking chair society” Mike and I had made up awhile ago. I thought that if it was a real club we would need an oath. So, let’s pretend this society exsits. I think the oath might go something like this:

As a member of the RCS Inc. I promise to saddle up my rocking chair next to my nearest and dearest by the age of retirement home inhabitance. Until then, may I leave room for growth, discussions, arguments, misunderstandings, forgiveness, travel, and a chasing of dreams. I swear to follow my dreams and become the fullest person I can so that when we meet again stories will be re-enacted, tears spilled, lessons learned, and laughter throughout.
I promise to be there for my fellow friends even when I don’t understand or agree. Till coffen do we part. Friends till we rock no more. Rock on or die.

Ok, so maybe it would be something like that..... I haven’t quite figured out the wording. But I think you get the picture.

Friendship is this thing that I keep marveling at throughout my life. The friends that come and go. The arguments and misunderstandings. The hurt feelings and pain the closest of friends can bring. But if we agree, in the beginning, to be there in the end we will know that an argument doesn’t mean the end. That geographical space doesn’t mean no longer a close connection. By allowing space, we get closer.



Friendship can be rare, but it’s a beautiful thing. You just have to be willing to work towards it. I am. Are you?

When Lilacs linger...

When the scent of lilacs linger and
the pink petals of spring
bid farewell to winter’s death,
a new spring is born.
The Cherry Blossom
whispers it’s secret:
Summer is coming!
The sun pushes his boundaries with the night sky,
Asking a few more minutes before heading to bed.
The sun wakens and warms the sleepy wintery moods,
transforming the soul and warming the heart along with the skin.
An exchange has been made,
death
to make room for new life.
Time to grow.



It's lilac season and nothing makes me happier then the scent of lilacs....well, a lot of things make me happy. This is just one of them. There is something so comforting to the scent. It eases my soul and makes my heart melt. Someday, when I get married, I want it to be on April Fool's day in a garden of lilacs.

The Doors of Rejection

I recieved two letters in the mail today. One from North Carolina School of Performing Arts and the other from Purchase at the State University of New York. They were two skinny letters. It doesn't take too many words to say "Thanks for auditioning but we don't want you."
If anything, this just confirms my plans to move to Toronto in the late summer/ early fall. I was looking at Second City training centers again to get an idea when I need to register.
Although I feel a little deflated about my rejection I realize that this will not stop me from acting and learning to become the best actor and comedian I am possible of becoming. Perhaps society and the educational system may not be able to trace my steps of learning, but who says you need to conform to the standards? I know there have been many great actors who were told "We cannot accept you" and who didn't give up and became great. It takes hard work to become great. I will continue. It's just alittle disheartening at the moment.
On other news, the boy that broke my heart this summer suddenly came back into my life last weekend. He came over to my house and apologized for about 5 hours saying what a jerk he was and how he got scared and that he was an idiot. I couldn't help but agree with him. I thought his intentions were sincere but as the week passed and he didn't call (he is "really busy") I found myself doubting him. This is not a good start. I've already made my decision. As much as I wish we could make this work, I will not do all the sacraficing and compramising to make it convenient for him. I believe a relationship is something both people want to make the effort to work. If he was really crazy about me and wanted to get back together I believe he would find time to call, just to say "hi" or leave a wierd message or something. My guy friends show me more affection and appreciation then he has.
More than anything I wish I was wrong about him and he has a really REALLY good reason he hasn't called all week, but I have a feeling that he just isn't that into me. And frankly, I don't want my heart to be broken again... at least not by the same source. That just seems dumb.
I seem to see a lot of doors in my face. Some are shut for me and some I've had to shut. Perhaps this is all preparing me for some great next move. It's just a little difficult to see at the moment.
I hang on to what I know: God has a great plan for me, he doesn't make mediocre people with mediocre lives. He wants the best for me and sometimes the best is not the easist.
Thanks God for being good and not just nice.