A couple quotes that have really stuck out to me are: "People have less emotions than actors think they have. For much of the time we hide our emotions, we haven't time for emotions. Our brains work so much faster than our emotions." This was said by the RSC voice coach Ciss Berry.
But this one really struck me: "Acting is just your view of other people. It must keep changing as you do, growing with you, improving as you learn more. Of all the arts it is the most human. So it must never stand still."
All too often I want to be an Olympian actor. One of the greatest. I'm only 27 years old. Why do I feel so behind in my craft? There is an unending tape that plays in my head - like a ticker tape saying "You're just an amateur. You don't even have a real degree in acting!" This can be crippling as well as helpful. Crippling if I continue to believe it and just slump over and give up. Believing I will only ever do community theatre for the rest of my life (by the way - that is fine if that's what you want to do. And I applaud all of my dear friends that do back home. But that is not what I want for myself).
Or I could use it as fuel to keep working. I've begun going into the theatre for an hour every morning before work at the studio where I take my scene study classes (here: http://www.stuartrogersstudios.com/ ). I'm not a gym person, but the theatre is my gym. My playground. I go in, do my physical and vocal warm-ups and begin work on a new monologue. My goal is to have a handful of strong and wide range of monologues so I will be more than ready when the time comes. I have my eyes on the professional theatre companies here in LA and also the auditions for regional and touring companies.
Sometimes you can get lost in the romanticism of art and being an artist. You believe you have this wonderful talent and that you will be able to call on it when the time comes. But it's like a muscle, if it's not in fine form you will more than likely pull something and hurt yourself... or fall on your face when that big opportunity arrives. I want to be ready. I want my muscles for auditioning to be so toned and strong that even with all my nerves and excitement those muscles will kick in and take care of me.
This takes time. Time. TIME!!
I'm a sprinter by nature so this is something I'm having to continually remind myself of. I want everything to work now! I want to take all these wonderful workshops and classes. But rent comes first. So I have to put all of my faith in God's own perfect timing. If I don't get to take that really awesome commercial workshop that I know will be a good investment and super helpful this month - it will not be a tragedy. Perhaps I can take it next month. Who knows, maybe there are the perfect people in that class for me to meet in the next month's class as opposed to right now.
You don't know what tomorrow holds. You don't know what today even holds!
So, I have my goals. What I dream of. Those are always in the back of my mind but I need to breathe and just take in this moment. This moment right now. Live and enjoy that moment of working on my monologue, or the play I'm reading, or the conversation I'm having with someone.
I wish I was better at this. I'm always 5 steps ahead.
I'm trying to remember something I heard in class the other night: You only have right now, this moment, on stage. Live it fully.
Let the play take me for a ride. Let life take me for a ride.
Ease my white gripping knuckles off the controls and see what happens. Trust that there is an amazing journey ahead of me. One better than I can even construct. Let myself grow and learn and rejoice in each new lesson. I am proud to be a beginner. A hopeful child in this theatre world.
