OK, OK I know Amelia had at least a navigator on that last fateful flight, but for the sake of imagination and where this blog is going....just go with it.
Last night I decided to fly solo to a social event I had been hoping to go to for awhile. The friends I had invited were either a) not able to come or b) flaked out. I thought of staying at home and watching yet another episode of 30 Rock but then thought if asked why I didn't make it my only truthful answer would be "I didn't want to come by myself". It seems like a lame excuse. Why would you let other people stop you from going to something you want to go to? Why does society say you can't go to certain events by yourself? It's o.k to go to an art exhibit by yourself, to the store, the library, but not a bar, a party, or the bowling alley.
This personal social experiment definitely taught me something about myself. While I did know the hosts to a certain acquaintance like status, I was surprised to find out I didn't know anyone else. This could either 1) force me to make new friends or 2) make me uncomfortable for the rest of the night. I did end up meeting a few new people but spent a good amount of time standing awkwardly by myself with a Sierra Nevada in one hand and my cell phone in the other. Like texting people says to the room "oh I'm alright, I do have friends, just not with me." Sad really. I probably could have talked to more new people but my self aware got to be so apparent in my mind that I had actually handicapped myself. Being the independent person that I usually tend to try to be, this frustrated me. No longer confident, my haunting past came to the forefront of my mind. The headgear, the buck teeth, the glasses, and horribly permed hair came back and clouded my mind when talking with people. How awful in this time to get to know people that all the redundant repeating of sentences of a 13 year old were the only things in my mouth.
I've had a lot in my mind lately due to crazy events taking place this last week so since I'm a verbal processor these new people were my sounding bored.
However, as much as I was self aware and feeling totally awkward I can count on the fact that this moment in my life will not be thought of in the same way by the others. We're all so aware of ourselves and what other people are thinking that we rarely notice or remember another person's awkward moments. Thank goodness for that!
And I did have a good time. The show was hilarious, and I did get to talk a little more to my new friends/acquaintances. Next time I'll bring a friend, we'll be each other's navigator. And if things get weird. We won't be crashing alone.
