Merry Freaking Christmas

This has been the craziest Christmas vacation so far. I barely made it home due to the snow storms hitting my beloved PNW. All flights after mine were cancelled. Phew!
So of course with the snow I had to go out and play. My friends and I decided to go out for an evening of sledding. Seeing as the regular hills were taken by a bunch of kids we went in search for a better, less traveled, hill. I have now found out why the hill we chose was much less traveled. All was fun until I decided to take a steeper route and was met at the bottom by a bunch of rocks. One particular rock jutted out to a sharp point and somehow I managed to aim just for that one. I was flying down the hill, laughing all the way, until my body came to a sudden stop. The greatest amount of pain shot through my body. All I remember is "weeeee funnnn! what the....holy shi....gah!" then I just rolled over and couldn't breath. It's true what they say; you really can see stars. After staying still a few more moments I managed to get up and get back to the top of the hill. I called it quits on the sledding and headed home. Chrissy laughed at me the whole walk home. Apparently I was walking with my hips way out in front of me and my feet shuffling like a duck behind me. I told her my body was trying to get away from the pain.
I made it home, threw my wet clothes in the tub, climbed up the stairs like it was Mt. Everest, and passed out on my bed. I awoke to the craziest pain the next morning. I managed to get down stairs and into the bathroom to wash my face. But as I stood by the sink my vision went blurry and black and white. Noises sounded as if I were under water. I broke into a cold sweat, and gripped the sink for dear life and thought: "I am going to die!" When I finally was able to stay steady I looked for the Excedrin my mom had handed me moments earlier. Not on the sink anymore, now on the floor. I briefly thought about picking them up...then thought "that floor is really far away". I shuffled to the living room couch and tried to lay down. Not an easy task! By this point I knew I had to have actually done something serious. I had my mom call the urgent care center to see if I could go in for x-rays and perhaps get some intense pain killers.
Getting to the urgent care center was pretty ridiculous. With the help of my mom I got off the couch, changed out of my pajamas, and got to the car. I slid onto the back seat on my stomach with my feet in the air and clung to the seat as we traveled across the bumpy slippery snow covered streets. The snow began melting off my shoes and sliding down my leg....freaking cold!
As I hobbled into the urgent care center I ran into one of my friends. We wished each other a merry Christmas and she limped off on crutches and I shuffled in trying not to pass out. Ah small towns. I even run into people I know at the urgent care center.
Here's a question. Why do they have mirrors in the little stall where you put your cute little gown on for the x-rays? Did I need to be reminded how awful I looked? My hair, freshly "styled" from getting out bed, my face pale and washed out with circles under my eyes, and a nice full view of the breezy back end of my gown.
For the x-rays I had to lay on my back. Not fun! But while I lay on my side for the side pictures I noticed the electrical sockets on the wall. I never noticed that they look like the Pillsbury Dough boy in shock. Next time you look at a socket tell me if you don't see how much it looks like a face in shock.Anyways, I headed home after hearing I had chipped my tail bone and was given vicoden.
Yesterday was spent on the couch watching t.v and movies. Making as few moves as possible. It was a sorry sight. I had to ask for help getting the t.v remote because it was just beyond my reach and any extra movement shot pain through my body. At one point I had to ask my mom if Richie could come over and since yelling even hurt I called her cell phone on my cell phone just so I could talk to her from the other room. Each time I had to get up or off the couch I told myself "It's like a band aid" and would put all my force into quickly getting up, let the pain sere through me, breathe a moment, then move.
This snow has made it near impossible for my friends to meet up. Either they are stranded in airports across the country, snowed in at their house, or injured due to the ice.
Dear God, please help me to get better so I don't have to use one of those stupid donut pillows while I fly home.....
Like, so totally not cute!

Being the Beginner

I was reading some Rilke this evening and was struck by a paragraph he wrote in one of his letters. It's as follows:

You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, with out noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
Resolve to always be beginning - to be a beginner!


How often I try to get to the end. To be or find the finished product. To hurry friendships, relationships, education, learning new skills and crafts. "Live in the questions". What a beautiful thought. And to take claim of being a beginner you can spare yourself the self-deprecation of not being good enough. Perhaps it will free you to take more risks. And what is wrong with making a mistake? Something good can be found in it for sure.
Perhaps I'm only typing this for myself. I find I haven't taken enough risks lately. How safe I feel in this new world.
I could be missing out on the next great adventure! Or at least a funny tale to tell a friend later on.

Weird Moments in Society

So I stopped at Starbucks on my way home today and as I was asking for my drink another lady came up in line....but right behind me. I don't mean the normal stranger distance known by most people, I mean closer than I let most of my friends get near me. I thought maybe I was supposed to know her or something so I turned and looked at her. Nothing. She didn't even get my subliminal message of "Hey! You are too freaking close to me!". So I ordered my drink and moved to the side. I was busy reading something on the wall and as I backed up I stepped on someone's foot. I turned around to apologize (despite the big bite of donut in my mouth) and it was The Hover-er again! What the heck. Once again she did not get the message of "your in my bubble!" so we stood there, awkwardly close, while we waited for our coffee. Finally getting my coffee I headed out the door, stopping to get a straw and as half of my coffee spilled out the top due to over filling the cup, the lady was right next to me. "You should take the lid off and put the straw in that way."
"Thanks" I said. Usually I'm more talkative to strangers...but this was a strange stranger.

The other day I was in Borders and as I was walking towards the literature aisle (ya, that's right, I like to read big books) some guy stopped me and asked "Do you like Sushi?" "Uh...no" I said. "Damnit! Does anyone like sushi?! I need a sushi date!"
I quickly walked away, word to the wise, if you want to pick up a girl in the book shop, don't ask while your standing in the erotica section. Just plain awkward.

While at work I chose to wear my contacts for a first time in a few months. An older man came up to my window and said "Damn you are one sexy teller! You were hiding behind those glasses all this time. It's a good thing I'm too old for you and there's this big counter between us." I quickly took care of his transaction and called the next in line. Suffice it to say, I wore my glasses the next day.