No longer do I have to explain to customers why I haven't left yet. No longer will I hear the teasing "Thought you went to Toronto!" or "Your still here?!?" or "So, you ever getting out of here?".
Friday was my last day at the bank. My co-workers surprised me with balloons and a cake at my window so all day my customers wished me "Happy Birthday". To most of them I explained they were going away balloons - hence the "Good Luck" written on the balloon. I felt like I had to convert every one I talked to.
"Where you going to?"
"L.A" I said.
"What?! Why! It's gross and dirty and dangerous."
"Thanks for the encouragement. I'm going down there to do improv and comedy."
"Ooohhh that's going to be hard. You know, not everyone makes it."
"Really? I thought you just go down there, take a number, and wait for your turn at fame! I thought following your dreams was easy and paved with great financial security and great things falling into your lap!" - this was not said but said in my mind before saying "ya, I know, but pursuing your dreams isn't easy."
I would then go on about how I already had a room mate, a hopeful transfer with the bank, money saved up, friends offering me their couch if I needed a place to stay to get back on my feet if financially tight.
Finally by the time they left my window with their cash and receipt I got a hand shake and best wishes in return.
I still have so many more stories to share about my crazy customers. So here are my little notes I've kept by my keyboard.
- Loosing my censor on things I say back to customers : A man came up to my window and handed me his credit card payment saying "Well, I guess it's that time of the month." to which my response was "Really? I thought that only happened to women."
A customer angrily asked me why his account was overdrawn. Out of my mouth flew "Because you spent more than your had."
When young women (and older ones) come up to my window caked in makeup and wearing tight fitting clothing hand over a pile of ones I have to hold back the comment "Gee I wonder where you got these." Usually it's the answer you would first suspect.
-Things that I've heard from my customers which has made me think that those with rich bank accounts have poor manners: A lady asked me if I could see if the money she was giving me for her credit card payment was the closing balance. I told her that I had no access to credit card accounts except to make payments but she could call the customer service number to speak with someone to get her account info. She aggressively asked me to call that number and talk to customer service for her. I told her I couldn't because the line was growing longer and because it was not our job or responsibility to deal with customer's credit card accounts. She looked at me a moment then said "Well! You can't do much of anything!" I stared blankly at her for a moment and then proceeded with her payment.
-There have been many times that I have helped a customer with their deposit and after filling out their entire deposit slip and processing it in the computer the customer looks at their receipt and says "I asked you put it in savings!" When they had distinctly told me checking. I don't know how many times I have had to re-write deposit slips because my customer can not make up their mind as to what they want to do. They blame me for taking up their time and for not listening to them.
-Cell phones are another issue that seems to worsen everyday. To my dismay I've had people who get up to my window while on the phone, proceed with a pointless conversation, wait until they are finished on the phone, then do their banking. Or it's the reverse. While in the middle of them telling me of their banking desires their phone rings. They answer and when I've given them their receipt they remain at my window until their conversation is over. A few customers are a little more considerate and try to pack up their stuff while on the phone. How funny to watch them awkwardly putting their cash and card and receipt in their wallet or purse with one hand. Some try the shoulder ear hold so they can use both hands but that usually ends in disaster with their phone crashing to the floor.
-I have a terrible habit of being a psychic teller and finishing my customer's sentences. I seem to not have the patience to wait for them to find the words. Oddly enough I already know what they want.
"Can I have an......"- "Envelope?"
"Could you give me a...." - "A balance?"
"I need to get money out of my....." - "Checking?"
-Oooh! Here's a favorite of mine. Customers who tell me what I can do as a teller. "I don't know my account number! That's your job! You have it in that little computer of yours. Just look me up and you can find me." Or when they tell me that I don't need to put a hold on their checks, or that they don't need to give me their i.d when cashing a large or state issued check. "Well I know 'so-and-so' and they always cash them for me. You must be new!". Their reason behind their advice is that they used to work in a bank and they know the rules. Funny thing is, if they really did work in a bank they should know that the rules and regulations are constantly changing due to security.
-Sometimes I really do feel like and advice consultant. One customer asked me how much I should take out of his account. "Well, what are you using the cash for?" I ask. "Rent? Bills? For fun?" Like I should know how much you want!
-Weird pick up techniques: I've gotten business cards, numbers written on bank papers, odd pick up lines. One guy, after offering him a candy, asked if I wanted to share. My facial response of disgust gave him my answer quick enough. One guy told me he didn't want small talk. He was in a hurry. However, he gave me his business card. He said if I ever needed windows or something to give him a call. I told him not likely since I was moving to California. With that he leaned in the window and rested his chin on his hand and said "well now I have to talk to you. You intrigue me". Nice going buddy, you just told me I wasn't worth your time a second a go. I made the mistake of saying I was going to go to California to do improv and comedy. "Oh comedy! Tell me something funny". I denied his request but he kept asking. Finally he said "I'll give you a topic and you say something funny about it." He gave me the topic of babies. So I told him of a loud baby in the audience for a show I did. When I finished he asked for more. I said "Look, I just did your whole deposit, got your cash, counted it correctly, filled out your deposit slip, and got your balance for you, all while give you a 'comedy' routine about babies. Give me some credit." He leaned in once again and said "I will leave you with this piece of advice: Do you know what the greatest sign of human love is?" Please don't let it be me going on a date with you I thought. "Human sacrifice." With that, he left. Looking back on the conversation I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or insulting me. One positive note: a guy sent a rose through the drive up. I liked that deposit.
-One lady and I were talking of gas prices and when I gave her her cash she said I don't know why I need to buy so much gas. I have too much of my own. FYI: You don't need to discuss your personal health issues with your bank teller.
-With so little reliance we now have on human interaction I find we listen less and less. When asking a customer what I can do for them I get the reply "Fine" before I even finish asking my question. Sometimes when a customer asks for the balance and I tell them they say "No it's not! What is it really?" Right, like I would lie about your balance. If you ask me again I'll change my answer. So keep on asking and maybe you'll hear the balance you like! This consistent repetition of a question when not liking the answer is more common than you may expect. Some people are just determined to bully you into telling them what you want to hear.
I find a dark humor to this. If they are already being a jerk I find it funny to see how far I can go with still being "nice" to them. Kind of like "how far can I go with batting my eyes at them?"
I actually laughed out loud when a customer yelled at me for not cashing his dodgey check and cussed me out.
-Once while looking out into the lobby at the line waiting for the teller line I saw the image of Darwin's theory of mankind. The tallest up front then descending shorter to the end of the line. The last man was hunched over in a wheel chair.
-Did you know it's still possible to smell the not so washed customers while working drive up? You can smell it in the tubes!
-Once while working in the drive up a customer sent up their checkbook, check card, i.d, work i.d, and their cash. They wanted me to do the deposit and then write their deposit with the balance in the check book for them.
-One lady pulled up to the drive up and got out of her car to send up the tube. As she stood in front of the video camera her car began to roll away. Apparently in her hurry to deposit she forgot to park the car.
-One day we had an interesting character hanging out in the foyer. He had his hood over his head and was walking back and forth looking into the banking center. After too long of being their we called the cops check him out. When the cops asked him what he was doing he told them he was bank security. "Making sure the bank was running in top order". When the cops asked what he was REALLY doing there he admitted that he was a Jedi knight protecting the bank.
-As one guy was being handcuffed in the lobby for trying to cash fraudulent checks he told the cops "This just isn't my day".
-I was cashing a check for a lady that was for $5.23. She asked for a $5 bill and a quarter. I asked if she wanted to give me 2 cents in exchange. She looked at me strangely. I explained that I could give her quarter if she gave me 2 cents to make up the difference for the check. "No! Just give me a quarter back!".
-There are some customers that seem to move like a slug stuck in molasses. While they slowly put their belonging back in their wallet or purse with out fail there seems to be that one person that hovers behind them trying to push them out of the window. I don't mind those that take longer with packing up, I just feel bad for them being pushed out by Mr. Antsy Banker.
-I had one guy who saw the long line and waited until the customer in my window was done before swooping down and landing at my window in front of all the customers in line. Suffice it to say I felt like a mom telling her kid not to cut in line and go to the end of the line and wait until his turn.
Hope you didn't mind the length of this story but I wanted to make sure I had some document of my teller days. I'll probably have more someday. I hope to stay with the bank when I move to California.
For now, these Teller Tales will be taken over by Stories of a Starving Starlet commenting on my next adventure in Hollywood.
Cheers.
I think I may take up coffee making again. You know, work on my foam art. Perhaps have stories "From the Berated Barista".
