I've begun a new project. A sort of web series discovering Hollywood from a hopeful innocent point of view.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OHQOvZOKBs
I was on set last night for a movie. My first time on the Warner Bros. lot, and it finally felt like the old school movie making experience I was hoping for. We were using the "New York" set, but instead of it making me ache for my own staring role in a big time movie, I suddenly found myself aching to see New York.
I knew moving down to L.A that it wasn't going to be a place I wanted to settle down forever. Although, as the months passed I grew to like southern California much more than I ever thought. Still, in my heart, I knew I would never be an L.A girl, or even a Cali girl.
It could be due to work being so slow, to exhaustion from trying desperately to find ways to pay my rent and other bills, to feeling so vulnerable and burnt out, that I find myself looking for the next step.
I've been considering moving back home to regroup my thoughts and pay back my parents for their ever-so-loving financial support.
I feel I have lost sight of what I want to do with my life (granted I kow there are new chapters and directions and things continue to change), but do I really want to be in movies? What about my desire to use comedy as therapy and counseling? What about more stage acting? What about going back to school? What about...? What about?...so much.
I will always be "studying" comedy and acting. But maybe it's time for a scene change. I miss clusters of tall buildings and brooding grey skies.
It's wierd, but I feel like something is pushing me to move out. At least for awhile. Maybe it's my history of not staying anywhere longer than 2 years (and feeling antsy after 1) since I graduated.
I don't know quite how to decipher through these feelings and thoughts.
We shall see.
1 comment:
Mom told me you were struggling a bit. I wish I could give you some sort of divine-inspired revelation, but seeing as I'm 48 hours away from either locking in my graduation or failing, I'm a few brain cells short of anything remotely resembling inspiration.
I suppose the one thing I could say is to take one day at a time like I take one page at a time. Happy to see my paper extend just that much further and have that much more done - every time you get to work you have that much more experience and that much more to put on your resume.
Of course, my thesis is not the means to my financial security as your work is, so perhaps I should just keep my mouth shut.
Whatever ends up happening you know you have my support. I want so much for you to succeed in your dreams and your passion. I pray for you as often as I can spare a thought away from my thesis, and once it is done I will pray a thousand times more often. You've worked so hard for this.
Love you lots sis.
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