Straw is cheaper, grass is free

Today's winner of my observation was a tall gentleman. The first thing he said to me, as he loomed high above, was: "How do I get someone off of my account? My wife and I hate eachother and we're getting a divorce". Before I could set out my "Doctor is 'in' " sign I noticed a gathering of spit/drool at the corners of his mouth. I just stared. He talked in a mouth full of marbles way and with the help of some crazy physics the spit just stayed in the cracks. I was worried that gravity would take over and it would spill over. Him being so tall and me so short just had to add up to a gross outcome. But, alas, it did not. There had to have been a slight pause before I could answer him. I just stared at this cluster. You know how someone has that little piece of spit or some kind of white thing that clings from one lip to another? It keeps going from top lip to bottom lip to top lip. And all you can think is "please lick your lips, that "spittle" is REALLY distracting." Ya, it was kinda like that.

I get distracted pretty easily. Like if someone has a lazy eye. I feel so bad because I don't know which one to look into. Or if they have a little something hanging out of their nose. Or food stuck to the side of their mouth. I practically have to make them repeat themselves 3 times so I can hear all that they are saying.

There's this guy that comes into the bank and I swear he bought his toupee from a barn. There is no way it's real hair. I dread him coming to my window because I just know I'll be looking at his hair line where you can see the matting of his hay hair. You can actually see the piece sitting on his head. It looks like someone did needle point with straw. It's just awful. Not to mention how awkward I feel when he makes "funny" comments. They aren't funny and he has this forced nervous laughter that makes me nervous in return.

I can't help but be honest in my observations. I have no doubt in my mind that I have ordered many a hamburger with something hanging out my nose or big piece of dandruff chillin in my hair or ketchup on my cheek. We're all human.

And that's why life is so darn funny.