Chaplin, Hollywood, and 5 Yrs.

Happy Birthday Charlie Chaplin!!
He's been my inspiration in so many ways. I still get giddy by the sight of his old studio on La Brea.

It's also the 5th anniversary of moving from my Pacific Northwestern hometown to Hollywood.

No idea what was ahead of me then. I still have no idea what is ahead of me now, but I do know that I feel fulfilled and happy as can be.

5 years ago I picked up and moved to LA planning on being there for only a year. Just to take improv classes at the iO West and then I was going to be off to New York City to pursue my career in the Theatahhh!

A year went by, I moved to 3 different apartments, found a circle of friends that instantly felt like family. I finished up my training (although, do you ever finish learning improv? heck no!) at the iO West, auditioned and was put onto a regularly performing improv team on Friday nights. I started picking up little jobs here and there. Dabbled in background/extra work. 3 months was all I could handle of it. And when things were starting to look really dark - I was completely broke, I gave my roommate a month's notice. I couldn't pay rent, my bags were packed, and I was going to head back home. Right after calling to notify my parents to air out my old room I got a call from the AFTRA-SAG credit union offering me a job (I had applied weeks earlier but had given up). Called the parents back. Told them "nevermind", LA wasn't done with me yet.

The credit union helped me pay rent and make some really great connections with other artists in the industry. Suffice it to say, I was much better at networking than being a bank teller.... I was let go 9 months later. I honestly couldn't have been happier. I knew it wasn't the job for me, but who was I to turn down a steady income offered to me? A couple weeks of unemployment and I was back to figuring out what roof I would stay under. Fly home? Crash on a friend's couch? Stick it out a little longer? Thankfully I was rescued by dear friends who had an extra room. I made a promise to them. 2 months. That's as long as I would stay... whether I found a job or not.

Thanks to my friends - who I like to call my "heart family" I was able to find work on commercial and film sets as a craft service girl. In those two months I made enough to get back on my feet and secure a studio apartment all to myself. Finally! After moving 5 times in about 3 years and having crazy roommates (at one point I lived in a house with 10 other girls), I finally had a place to call my own. A little over 2 years in LA and I was starting to feel settled. I had a theatre company I was part of and taking scene study classes there. I filmed my first silent film. Was regularly taking voice lessons, working on sets, and exploring more of LA. I even got to work at the Oscars! The fear of not being able to pay next month's rent was always there but I kept on. Trusting things would come up. And they did.

When crafty gigs slowed down I managed to find a job with one of my castmates I was in a play with at the time. I started working with him and another friend who was in the play. Not only did I get a job out of that play, but I also met my future husband. Not the castmate, his brother. One of my best girlfriends is marrying the castmate now as well.

See!? How little I knew back then! One of the girls I became best friends with right at the beginning of my Hollywood adventures would turn out to be my future sis in-law. We always seemed to date the same guys all those years, no surprise we would marry brothers.

This time last year I had been dating Eric for about 9 months and were talking about moving in together. He lived in Big Bear, CA (about 100 miles east of LA). I wasn't getting many auditions and I was tired of the shooting happening outside my apartment on a regular basis so I thought, why not? The transition wasn't easy. I still miss my LA family very very much. But I made new friends...

Since moving to Big Bear I have had more auditions and more creative projects going than in my first 4 years. I still go down to LA regularly. Booked my first TV show a couple weeks ago and booked my first commercial a couple months ago! Now a proud member of the SAG-AFTRA union too!

Busy writing/filming/ and acting in a sketch comedy show (Happy Hour Sketch Comedy) here in Big Bear and I am also in the early stages of creating a non-profit theatre company - Big Bear Theatre Project.

5 years. I heard before I moved that for a lot of people in LA it takes about 3-5 years for things to feel like they are falling into place and for you to figure out just where in the heck you're going.

I'm getting married next month. Now there's a new adventure!

I'm happy. And I'm super happy that every time I was on the verge of giving up, for some odd reason I didn't or couldn't.

So, my dear friend, keep going. It truly is about the journey.

Slow and steady...

It's been quite a while since I last posted.
The new BIG news is I booked my first commercial.
You can see it below if ya like:



Finally after going out on auditions for about 3 years I finally booked my first "big" commercial. It was a regional one that played up in my hometown in Washington state (among a few other areas in the States). What lovely surprise to see myself up on the big screen in the movie theaters and on T.V where my friends from home could see me. And just in time for Christmas! Merry Christmas indeed!

This April will be my 5 year anniversary for moving to California. Until I was engaged to my fiancé my parents kept thinking I would come back home eventually. I'm super glad I stuck it out.
And now as we have finished the first month of the new year I am motivated even more. This one booking has taught me that it worth it to just keep going. Do what you love, don't give up, and the right things will happen at the right time.

I'm glad I didn't book this commercial until now. Over the years I have gotten myself acquainted with film sets thanks to working as a "background artist" (when I first arrived) and especially thanks to working Craft Service on sets for the last 2 years. I knew who everyone was - or at least what each crew member actually did. I knew who to talk to if I had a question. And I THOROUGHLY enjoyed having my own room in the trailer to hang out it. Granted, they weren't long breaks but my name was on the door...on masking tape and permanent marker.

By no means was this shoot easy. We were filming during a heat wave in LA in late November while wearing all that winter gear. I was taped into my costume and sweating non-stop. At one point they had to stop production so I could get ice down my shirt to keep me from passing out. I got a bit dizzy and cross-eyed. I kept thinking it would be just one more take. I could do it!

After all was said and done I came home exhausted and never more happy with a day at work. I was prepared, I was professional, I worked my ass off, and I was happy. I was doing what I had originally set out to do.

The funny thing is is that I remember in high school swearing up and down I would never do commercials. Little did I know that 10 years later they would make me the happiest camper.

I can not wait to do another one. I hope I don't have to wait another 3 years (or more). But in the meantime I am staying productive and continuing to move one step at a time.

This month I start in rehearsals for The 39 Steps working with The Big Bear Theatre Project and I'm filming a few sketches to air for the local T.V station - while also producing and running a few of their morning shows.

I'm hoping to film my silent western film this summer. Thankfully Big Bear has the perfect location for that.

So. Just keep going. Be prepared for when the time comes because you never know when that is. Every day has something new to teach you that you may find useful when new and bigger opportunities come.

I'm excited for this year. It's going to be a great one.

My eloquent response....

Please allow me to be girly, gushy, and giddy.

The proposal:

Yesterday afternoon Eric got home from work and asked if I would like to go for a hike. I agreed, and after having a lovely romantic dinner of Kraft Mac and Cheese with hotdogs while watching an episode of Reno 911 we headed out for our hike. We headed up to a mountain top where we first had our "first hike" together last Labor Day. I always loved the view from up top and was also quite sentimental about it.

Once we had made it up the hill I noticed there was a bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes.
"Oh my gosh Eric! Someone left champagne up here!"
"Hey, we should open it!"
"No! It's not ours! Put it back. We might be ruining a perfectly great proposal or something. Come on, we gotta get out of here in case they show up."
Eric proceeded to open the bottle and I started to freak out (surprise surprise).
While I frantically was looking around to see if the happy couple were on their way Eric said, "Well, I think this is as good a time as any." And he pulled out a ring box and and handed it to me. "Will you marry me?"
I opened it up and inside I saw a bunch of green twisty-ties in the form of a ring.
"Is this a joke?" I asked. I didn't want to get too excited and look like an idiot for just assuming. I had joked earlier that he didn't need to get me a fancy ring. He could just give me a green twisty-tie.
"No, it's not a joke."

"HOLY SHITBALLS!" I yelled across the canyon floor. "I mean 'Yes!', yes I'll marry you!"
Unwrapping the ring took quite awhile and my flustered state did not help the moment.

Little did I know that on Thursday Eric was able to finally pick up the finished ring (he had ordered it 5 weeks ago), on the way home he called my dad and asked for his blessing. My dad responded "You got it boy!". Friday afternoon Eric had left work early and stopped by the house to pick up his bike and ice packs (for the champagne). He biked/hiked out to the location (taking two hours out in the woods - he got a bit lost), got everything set up, and made it home by 5pm. Flopped down on the couch and said "Wanna go for a hike?"....


We sipped our champagne and enjoyed the view for a little while. We toasted our glasses and then threw them over the cliff with a dramatic crash (Sorry, yes, I littered). Trying to beat the dark night sky we rushed back to the car, glugging the rest of the champagne from the bottle along the path.

We video skyped our parents, called a few friends, then of course promptly updated our Facebook status.

Ta-da! (sorry it's a little blurry...)

I'll keep you posted on all that "other stuff" later when we figure it out. For now, I'm going to enjoy being a fianceé.....weird!

City Mouse, Country Mouse

Two weeks of living in Big Bear now and I love it. I think I've discovered the perfect formula for me for my transition. Two days in LA and the rest of the week in Big Bear. I find I can now enjoy Hollywood so much more now that I've taken a step back, and I love Big Bear because I still get to get out into the city regularly. I prefer the ratio of mountain to city to favor more on the mountain side.

I can feel the plaque build up, the jaded and cynic residue, of living in LA slip away. Once again I enjoy sitting in coffee shops and overhearing conversations about the latest movie deal, who's doing what film, what show is canceled, etc. That tinge of snobbery for being and living in the "biz". And then when I'm "up the hill" I get to overhear conversations about when it's time to get the boat out, the prep for the LA tourists to come up for tourists season, the dread of having to drive "down the hill" to get something. That tinge of snobbery for living up on the mountain. I love people. I love listening and watching. Observing and learning. What a kick.

Still enjoying working in the theatre up here just as much, if not more, than on the first day. I've been working painting sets for The King and I. I love listening to the five ladies that work all day in the theatre painting. What a fun contrast to the days when I was working on sets in college. The women here remind me of The Golden Girls. Could not be happier! Hearing one squabble over someone taking her favorite brush, another trying to make a joke about the "I like big butts" song and not remembering the rest of the lyrics or the actual tune of it. I like watching the little flare ups that quickly light up between the director, the set designer, the "painters", and guys who build the sets. All having worked together for close to 16 years they all have their own opinions about what will be best. I like how each person comes up to me to give me a little tid-bit of advice for dealing with another person.

Today I watched as the director added a few more roles for the ladies painting to play in the show. It's always tough finding enough people to fill out a large cast when you have a small community to pick from. They will be playing the wives, slaves, dancers, and even men characters. Talk about a jack of all trades. Oh did I mention somewhere between their costume changes they need to help move the set? Oh! And I almost forgot! Since this is The King and I and this is a mostly white community the actors were asked at the meeting last Saturday to use fake tanner and dye their hair black.

I love community theatre. I have a harder time actually watching the shows, but the lead up is my favorite. To watch how everything comes together. How people creatively overcome ridiculous obstacles. Little to no funding, small casting pool, people dropping out at the last minute, some people's first time on stage. It's beautiful.

I look forward to learning so much. What a great new adventure!

I don't need to make it. I need to be needed.

It's nice to be needed. Real nice.

This past weekend I moved out of LA and up a mountain to Big Bear Lake. It's approximately 100 miles away from LA. 50ish miles east and another 50ish up (7000 ft. elevation) the mountain's windy roads. I really like it here. I moved so I could be with my boyfriend (so we didn't have to commute every weekend) and move forward our totally awesome relationship. Makes sense to me. I like hanging out with the guy and I'd like to see him more than just weekends.

The other good news is that I get to be back in the theatre! I've been moved in for one day now and already I made a visit to the local theatre. I sat with the ladies preparing for this summer's production of The King and I and got a tour of their new location they just finished building. They are so proud of it and I think it is great. They built a warehouse and made it into a black box theatre so they can build sets, rehearse, and put on smaller shows between the two big productions they do at the performing arts center in town. They have been working on building this new theatre for years! Congrats to them!

After 4 years in LA and trying out many of the LA things: new acting classes, auditions, film, t.v, commercials, craft service, background work, crew, theatre, making a silent film of my own, working the Oscars, etc. I find that my heart still belongs to the theatre. More specifically - community theatre. I'm not going into this new theatre to be a big fish from the city with big ideas on how to run things. I'm coming in wanting to be of help. Help with anything. Lights, sets, props, costumes, whatever! I just want to give to the art I love so much. I am fascinated by community theatre. It's sweated over with pride and labors of love. No one is paid here. This is all volunteer and there is so much pride in what they do and what they have accomplished. I will always love acting and entertaining, but I love getting down and dirty with everything that leads to opening night as well. I will be totally honest. The look of glee in their eyes as I said I wanted to be of help and that I have 15 years of working in the theatre of a similar kind - it made me feel really good. For too long I've held jobs where I feel at the lowest rung of a ladder or the most easily disposed of. I've tried to offer my help out in the theatres in LA and have never been looked at once. God, it feels great to have someone say "we would LOVE to have you here!"

It's nice to feel back at home completely. It may take awhile to get a job up here in Big Bear (I hear prospects aren't so good) so I'll keep working my 2 days at the Kodak. And for the rest of the time, I will happily keep myself busy at the local theatre.

I love being in the theatre! It's nice to be back.

Universal Storytelling

This beautiful short silent film is up for an Oscar this year.
Please take a look at at. This film, to me, represents exactly what I want to do with my short films.

I laughed, I cried, and I fell in love. Hope you do too.

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

Success

If you knew you would never become a "success" (by our society's popular definition) would you still be doing what you are doing now?

This Tinsel town is a place I love to hate and also just plain love. On a daily basis I run into people who have packed their bags the week before and headed toward this city of their dreams. Met people who have actually said "my dream is to become the next Paris Hilton/Kardashian"(I barf silently to myself). People who want to become famous for the sake of being famous shop for groceries side by side with people who just want to create art and get it out to the world.
I can go see a silent movie, go swing dancing in a 1920's art deco building with a live swing band, see movies in the Hollywood cemetery, hear the LA Philharmonic, have a picnic under the Hollywood sign, or just curl up in my little studio apartment and know there is always something to do. However, some love the other side of Hollywood - the clubs, the premiers, the celebs, the casting couch...whatever your little starlet heart desires it's here in Hollywood.

But after reading a few blogs lately, this post specifically, I've been thinking about what I really want in life. I know that I want to make as many people happy and laugh and love life as I possibly can. To entertain and capture audiences with amazingly heart felt stories. I dream of the day I do a stand-up show to a sold out theatre, sing jazzy lounge songs in a cafe, screen my silent film to a receptive large audience, write a best-selling book of humorous essays, bring down the house after some amazing tap dance number, or make my Oscar acceptance speech.

But those things may never happen.

What I want is to resolve to be OK with that. What if over my lifetime I made a million people laugh but not all at once in packed houses - but one by one. Crack a joke to the cashier at the grocery store. Do stand-up at open mics in front of other comedians who are a tough crowd. Tap dance my heart out only in class in front of the other 2 students. Write funny stories and just post them on this blog. Post my silent film on Facebook and hope people see it. Day by day. One person at a time.

Is it success when the world pats you on the back? Or success when you go to bed and know that that day you did what made your heart happy?

To those in Hollywood - why are you here? There is no "right" or "wrong" answer - but by answering it you may find a new insight into your happiness. I want everyone to be happy and feel alive. We don't know how long we have here (we are reminded all too often). And if I could hug your right now I would...but I can't.

You are an artist. You have art living in you and around you. I hope you see that and use it today.


For those of you who want to be the next Hilton/Kardashian..... I wish I had something witty and loving to say, but I am at a loss for words. I just don't understand that world.

But for all of us who are scraping by to stay here another month - I believe today is your success.

Day One

Day one of this novel writing month. I wrote 2,095 words towards my first novel ever. But here's the interesting thing that happened. As I wrote I was inundated by my inner critic. I heard over and over things to make me not want to keep writing. Things like:
"This is so cliche!"
"You're just writing what you've read in other books"
"This is so childish/lame/boring/god awful!"
"You better not show this to anyone"
"You are wasting your time".

And other lovely things. But I kept going. As I trudged through my first few pages I kept thinking:
"I have never done this before - how could I be amazing at my first attempt?"
"You aren't born able to walk"
"You can't just jump to the top of a rock wall - you have to climb it"
"In a month I can say I wrote a novel. Beginning, middle, and end."
"I'm just making the clay so I can mold it later."

So, this has been quite an experience already. But I will continue on. Maybe that little angry critic will start to just turn into white noise.

I hope so. I'm not giving up.
At least, not on day one.

Just Hang In There!

Just in time for NaNoWriMo (starting tomorrow) I was taught some very important lessons this weekend through my new interest in rock climbing.

Things I have learned from my early beginnings as a rock climber:
Some things may seem huge and daunting and even impossible but you start with a step. A good firm foot hold, then look for a hand hold. There are times when all of your weight is on a tiny sliver of rock no wider than a dime (but it holds you safely). Sometimes you have to back up and plan your next couple steps. It's a puzzle and the joy comes from figuring it out and also in the continuing onward. This weekend, as I looked up the massive rock wall, I would not let myself back down or let my boyfriend think that I was a wuss. I will do this. I AM capable of greater things than even I can fathom. Already with just 3 days of rock climbing I have learned so much. Most importantly that I am capable of big things that look impossible at first. Oh, and always remember to enjoy the view!

So now I apply this to writing my first novel. It seems as impossible and daunting as Hell but I know I have it in me to do this. I will surprise myself if I just take that first step. There will be times of literally just hanging in there, but you keep going. No matter what, you have achieved more than when you were just starting, with your feet on the ground.

I feel so alive.

NaNoWriMo

I am so very excited for this to be my first year at participating in National Novel Writing Month I've had a couple stories I've wanted to tell floating around in my head but now I'm making the commitment to write 50,000 words in one month. I'm ever so grateful (and partially dreading) having friends who are also participating and will be keeping me accountable to my commitment. I do not know what to expect or where my story will take me, but I will be happy to finally not feel like an idiot for saying "I'm a writer" and have not much to show for it. Come December 1 I will have the first draft of my first novel done. My hope is to make it into a possible play or screenplay, but I think this will be a great starting point. Ok, here goes nothing!

A hazy fog of creative new births

Clarity.

There seems to be the theme I keep reading: "The universe will give you what you are seeking when you clearly know what you want"... or something to that effect. The past 6 weeks or so I have entered a thicker haze than I've been in before. Could have something to do with falling in love and being in an absolutely wonderful relationship. The kind I've always dreamed and hoped for. Suddenly all my gears that were going at high speed towards going after that "big career" have come to a slow squeaking crawl. At first I felt guilty for losing sight and motivation towards that big 'ol acting career I've been heaving and ho-ing towards. But this is life. A very rich time in my life. So I will enjoy it to it's fullest. LIVING life is what gives art it's fuel.

For 3 1/2 years here in LA I had been constantly on the move, figuring out what my path will be, what I need to do next, where to live, so many different jobs to pay rent, so many different places to pay rent, what shows to go for, who to talk to, am I getting out there enough?, how's my admin?, what did I "hit" and "miss" on my to-do list for the week?, etc. My only "vacations" were trips home for Christmas', weddings, and funerals. I didn't realize those weren't vacations until I had my first real one this last Labor Day. 3 1/2 years of work and struggle with little celebrations, and big heart breaks and no real break. I was tired. I still feel tired.

So I'm giving myself a long vacation. I'm going to put myself on a bit of hiatus from this industry hub-bub. I lost sight of what I really want in my life. I felt pushed and shoved into doing "the right thing" from good intentioned friends and mentors. And finally I've just hit a wall. There is no "right" path to fulfilling your dreams - the only "wrong" way is sitting on your hands and not doing diddly squat 'cause you're scared. There is nothing wrong with your creative path taking crazy turns. Even turns that seem to make you feel like you're going back wards. It's still on the path forward - it's just a very windy road. A month ago I took my friend Jude's stand-up comedy class and absolutely loved it. A part of me has always wanted to be a stand-up comedian. So maybe this is the time that I focus on that. I'm not a slacker or a flake for taking time off and away from scene study class. Maybe in these times of feeling unsure about what I really see myself doing in 10, 20, 30 years all I can do is listen to my heart and just please it. Whether it be taking tap dance lessons, doing open mics, staying home for an evening and playing my ukulele, having wonderful weekends filled with play and laughter with my guy and my friends. I feel that all of these are getting me closer to that big hope that I have that one day I will be able to entertain and make millions of people laugh and be happy. I want to be an entertainer. A well rounded-Jill-of-all-trades entertainer. So I guess that means letting myself go from creative outlet to creative outlet. I was designed this way. I can't just focus on one thing and do it forever. I'm always evolving and changing and finding new passions. That's what art does. It doesn't stand still.

So, although I can't give you a written down exact idea of what I want to do with my life.... I think that's who I am. Making art with each day. And making millions of people laugh...one, or ten, people at a time till the day I die.

Funny, I feel like things are looking a little clearer...

The Art of Acting Does Not Stand Still

I'm almost done reading Year of the King by Antony Sher. Quite inspiring and helpful on my journey as an actor and digging deeper into the art of acting.

A couple quotes that have really stuck out to me are: "People have less emotions than actors think they have. For much of the time we hide our emotions, we haven't time for emotions. Our brains work so much faster than our emotions." This was said by the RSC voice coach Ciss Berry.

But this one really struck me: "Acting is just your view of other people. It must keep changing as you do, growing with you, improving as you learn more. Of all the arts it is the most human. So it must never stand still."

All too often I want to be an Olympian actor. One of the greatest. I'm only 27 years old. Why do I feel so behind in my craft? There is an unending tape that plays in my head - like a ticker tape saying "You're just an amateur. You don't even have a real degree in acting!" This can be crippling as well as helpful. Crippling if I continue to believe it and just slump over and give up. Believing I will only ever do community theatre for the rest of my life (by the way - that is fine if that's what you want to do. And I applaud all of my dear friends that do back home. But that is not what I want for myself).  

Or I could use it as fuel to keep working. I've begun going into the theatre for an hour every morning before work at the studio where I take my scene study classes (here: http://www.stuartrogersstudios.com/ ). I'm not a gym person, but the theatre is my gym. My playground. I go in, do my physical and vocal warm-ups and begin work on a new monologue. My goal is to have a handful of strong and wide range of monologues so I will be more than ready when the time comes. I have my eyes on the professional theatre companies here in LA and also the auditions for regional and touring companies.

Sometimes you can get lost in the romanticism of art and being an artist. You believe you have this wonderful talent and that you will be able to call on it when the time comes. But it's like a muscle, if it's not in fine form you will more than likely pull something and hurt yourself... or fall on your face when that big opportunity arrives. I want to be ready. I want my muscles for auditioning to be so toned and strong that even with all my nerves and excitement those muscles will kick in and take care of me.

This takes time. Time. TIME!!

I'm a sprinter by nature so this is something I'm having to continually remind myself of. I want everything to work now! I want to take all these wonderful workshops and classes. But rent comes first. So I have to put all of my faith in God's own perfect timing. If I don't get to take that really awesome commercial workshop that I know will be a good investment and super helpful this month - it will not be a tragedy. Perhaps I can take it next month. Who knows, maybe there are the perfect people in that class for me to meet in the next month's class as opposed to right now.

You don't know what tomorrow holds. You don't know what today even holds!

So, I have my goals. What I dream of. Those are always in the back of my mind but I need to breathe and just take in this moment. This moment right now. Live and enjoy that moment of working on my monologue, or the play I'm reading, or the conversation I'm having with someone.

I wish I was better at this. I'm always 5 steps ahead.

I'm trying to remember something I heard in class the other night: You only have right now, this moment, on stage. Live it fully.

Let the play take me for a ride. Let life take me for a ride.

Ease my white gripping knuckles off the controls and see what happens. Trust that there is an amazing journey ahead of me. One better than I can even construct. Let myself grow and learn and rejoice in each new lesson. I am proud to be a beginner. A hopeful child in this theatre world.

The Actor's Vow

I stumbled across this after watching PBS' and Martin Scorsese's documentary about Elia Kazan. Both of these things have inspired me deeply.

Here's The Actor's Vow that Elia Kazan wrote:

I will take my rightful place on stage
and I will be myself.
I am not a cosmic orphan.
I have no reason to be timid.
I will respond as I feel;
awkwardly, vulgarly,
but respond.

I will have my throat open,
I will have my heart open,
I will be vulnerable.
I may have anything or everything
the world has to offer, but the thing
I need most, and want most,
is to be myself.

I will admit rejection, admit pain,
admit frustration, admit even pettiness,
admit shame, admit outrage,
admit anything and everything
that happens to me.

The best and most human parts of
me are those I have inhabited
and hidden from the world.
I will work on it.
I will raise my voice.
I will be heard.


And here is the link to PBS' American Masters : Elia Kazan
http://video.pbs.org/video/1947064818

I have something to say, so I choose to say it silently.

This summer I have been so happy and grateful to the Academy (as in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences) for having Silent Movie Mondays. As a lover and creator of silent films it has been so refreshing to see large audiences coming out to see these screenings.

Most of my exposure, up until this summer, has been to Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, and a little bit of Harold Lloyd. But now I am so happy to add to my list Janet Gaynor, Douglas Fairbanks, Ronald Colman, Richard Barthelmess, and a handful of others. This summer's selection has been the Photoplay winners of the 1920s and like most awards winners - few, if any, are comedies. I love watching these dramatic 2 hour long films. I'll admit, after the films are done I feel quite drained. I'm assuming it's due to a few factors. One being that since it is a silent you can't take your focus off the screen for a moment or you'll miss something important, and the other because emotionally you are so connected to these actors and the story. You have to be in order to follow along.

So much is said and not a word heard. I love it. I'm in heaven. In this day in age where so many words are said at a mile and a half pace - and yet rarely is anything said or communicated it is amazing to see what happens when all your efforts to reach out and communicate have to be done in other forms.

For my own silent films I sometimes wonder if I'm leaning more towards cutesy/adorable/funny or if I am really trying to say something. I want to be. As an artist I think it is my duty to say something. Isn't that one of the main points of art? I want my films to say something about this world we live in. The society we let rule us. To cry out of my broken heart to see such a lazy world. And to celebrate those times when love reaches out beyond the safety of self and touches a friend or stranger.

But these are just words. I hope to make them fewer. Let my eyes and ears be bigger. And my films be louder - in heart.

My First Oscars

For those of you who have been asking how my night was:

I remember as a kid always watching the Academy Awards and trying to figure out what year I would realistically get to go. I think I had figured by the 80th year- I made it to the 83rd. Not too bad for calling it when I was in high school. Even last year I had said I would be at the Oscars in a year. I was right but I wish I would have been more specific in my statement. I wasn't expecting to be working at the Oscars. Still, it was a lovely, interesting, and entertaining experience.
I was unsure of my exact duties before I went. All I knew is that my fellow Kodak tour guide co-workers and I were to be helping the ushers. Even when I showed up the day of I still didn't quite know what I was doing. At least I was at the Kodak and knew my way around, this theatre is kind of another home, so I wasn't too nervous.
I got to the theatre at about 11am, watched some of the tech rehearsal for the evening show and just observed the hustle and bustle of the lively theatre getting ready for show time. At 1pm we had a meeting going over all the things we needed to know - knowing who went to which floor by looking at the guest's tickets, who was allowed on to the Orchestra level, when people could be seated, what to do with wheelchairs...I got a little overwhelmed with all the information but figured a) I'm good at just pretending I know what to do and b) I could always just ask if I get really confused. Thankfully to start the evening off I was given the duty of handing out programs to all who came through the front doors. The doors were opened at 2:30 and I stood in the cold draft for about 3 hours. People started to slowly trickle in and then for the last hour the masses came. I was handing out programs so fast I almost missed noticing Colin Firth was standing in front of me. There I was with plenty of funny witty wisecracking things to say to all the people coming in and then there was Colin Firth. I don't get star struck, but there was this moment of having two worlds sort of collide. There is the Hollywood world where you see these people on the big screen and they seem somewhat bigger than life and far removed from you, and then here they are standing right in front of you as just another friendly human being giving you a big smile.
I didn't see all the "big stars" come through the front doors but every person I handed a program too I gave a big smile and warm welcome. My tour guide mode turned on and I had a ball just joking with everyone.
Throughout the evening I was all over the theatre except for inside. They are very very strict about who goes into the "chamber" during the show, but running around the lobbies on all the floors and taking people up and down the elevator had it's perks too. Joined Geoffrey Rush in the elevator at one point.
I wish I was better at explaining how I felt that evening. Part of me felt like it was just another job, the other part took everything in and fantasized about the day I would be there as a guest and perhaps even as a nominee. It's a funny thing to admit that. You know so many people wish and think that but for some odd reason if you say it out loud you are scoffed at or just given the "ya, sure you will" followed by a pressed smile. But I don't think any of those people there that night ever let that really get to them. Even when a lot of them started off completely broke, about to give up and go home, living in their cars, or trying desperately to just get a foot in somewhere, did they truly listen to the cynical and jaded voices of "You're wasting your time." "Who do you think you are?". Sure those voices are there...but there is a drive, a passion, a hunger that will not let you go. You have to push on because you know that you weren't meant to do anything else.
So, as I left the theatre that night with my tour guide friends, we walked down the red carpet to go home. Passing Nicole Kidman, Colin Firth and his Oscar, and Jeremy Renner, I headed to my car that would take me back to my little studio apartment in North Hollywood. Back to the little place I call my own and where I'm writing out my own journey and dream.
This won't be my last Oscars night.

My Official Website!

I finally have an official website. So very happy - despite the fact that it is a work in progress....but then, isn't everything?

Here ya go:

www.julisalyn.com

Mainstage Sketch

I love performing with the iO West's Mainstage Sketch team. Love that marriage of improvising with a script. Here are 2 of the sketches from this last Sunday.

A Cloudy L.A

I find I get the hankering for updating and writing on my blog on overcast days. Thankfully, today, LA is providing it's version of an early fall day and I couldn't be happier.
Since my last post so much has happened. First, I moved into my very first studio apartment. I am finally living by myself. After having 20 housemates in Ireland, 10 housemates in Camarillo, 2 roommates in Sherman Oaks, 1 roommate in East Hollywood, 2 roommates in Studio City, it is now "me time" in NoHo. Basically living in a studio apartment makes me feel like I'm just living in a really big bedroom that happens to have a kitchen and it's own bathroom - but I am truly happy (and I moved in the first of July- honeymoon's not over!).
In other news my short silent film, Dear Hollywood, is coming along nicely. We are pretty much to the final cut in editing and the music composition is going swonderfully. I love it and I am very excited to start submitting it to festivals. As soon as we have a trailer version ready I will be sure to post it here.
The acting biz is going...well, it's going. There are times, like today, when I get flustered and frustrated with all the business and administration side of acting as a profession (or in my case, turning it into a profession). I really hope the cynical and jaded side effects of living in LA are not trying to seep in. I don't want to be that way, but it gets exhausting and a little disheartening when it seems like every which way you turn you have to be thinking 3 steps ahead and is your resume up to date, are your headshots working for you? Have you been keeping up on Actors Access, LA Casting, Backstage West, and all the other sites to submit to? Bumping into acquaintances in the grocery store or the bank the conversations consist of "What have you been doing? What's next?" I'm constantly trying to find that balance of nurturing the artist I am by soaking in art and inspiration and then turning around and putting my nose to the grind and getting myself out there. It's easy to lose sight of who you are as a person and as a human being - which is so essential to being an artist.
I miss waiting in the wings for my entrance, walking the boards, rehearsing for hours in a dark dusty old theatre. Living and breathing an imagined life in front of an audience. I'm giving LA a couple more years I think and then I may have my next adventure in New York. Theatre is what I love to my very heart and soul, but I'm not done trying out acting in front of the camera. I haven't really gotten the chance to give it a go. So, let's wait and see. Learn more on the art of storytelling through film, acting in front of a camera, understand more of the industry and marketing...and then I'll go from there. Make a few more silent shorts along the way.
Perhaps I'll get a chance to do a little theatre while I'm here too. That would be quite nice.

April 14th

On April 14th it will be 2 years since I stepped on a plane to leave my small town in the Pacific Northwest to find out what happens when you act on the question "What if...?"
And on April 14th I will begin shooting the short film I wrote, am co-directing, producing, and starring in. 2 years exactly.
Although I arrived pretty fresh faced and pretty green behind the ears (when it comes to "Hollywood stuff"), the more I learn and experience the more I see how green I still am.
It's a constant education through trial and error to find the right acting classes/studio, learning what are considered "good headshots", who to trust, who to walk away from. Who is sincere and who is just a lot of hot air. I think overall the biggest learning experience is discovering who to take as sincere. I am thankful everyday for having such a lovely wonderful core group of friends that I know care for my best interest.
It's a funny place, this town of tinsel. So many of us are in the midst of a handful of projects (myself included) that it becomes too easy to miss out on taking time aside and just make sure you know where your focus is. I've caught myself doing this all too often. I'm in mid meeting when I remember I need to send an e-mail to someone about another project, or I'm on the phone with one person discussing a writers meeting while on my way to rehearsal for my improv group, or shooting something. I love it. I do. But there comes a point when you need to put everything aside and do something that is just for you. Not something to add to your resume, or to increase the depth of your networking, or whatever else.
I spent 7 hours at LACMA a couple weeks ago and I felt like I got to peer deeper into myself. All was quiet and it was just me and these artist's work (although I was with a dear friend- we enjoy museum going together but alone).
I don't know where I was going with this. But just that I've learned the importance to take a moment to slow down. Living out my dreams is great, but I don't want to get swept away by the crowd or the current because I think it will get me further ahead. What keeps you on track is having a strong hold on who you are.
And knowing who you are and living it out is what gets you ahead in the end.
And that "end" may be somewhere you never dreamed of. But you'll be happy.
I just know it.

So.
Happy 2 year anniversary! It's been a close call to having to pack up and move home a couple times...but somehow, I'm still here.
Thank you.

Purdy Talk

It's a rough video of the sketch my friend Amy and I wrote for Dave Holmes' Nicest Sketch in the World Competition at the iO West in Hollywood, CA this last weekend.
We're planning on doing a full on filming of it soon.