The R.C.S Inc.

The Rocking Chair Society Inc.

I was thinking of my “rocking chair society” Mike and I had made up awhile ago. I thought that if it was a real club we would need an oath. So, let’s pretend this society exsits. I think the oath might go something like this:

As a member of the RCS Inc. I promise to saddle up my rocking chair next to my nearest and dearest by the age of retirement home inhabitance. Until then, may I leave room for growth, discussions, arguments, misunderstandings, forgiveness, travel, and a chasing of dreams. I swear to follow my dreams and become the fullest person I can so that when we meet again stories will be re-enacted, tears spilled, lessons learned, and laughter throughout.
I promise to be there for my fellow friends even when I don’t understand or agree. Till coffen do we part. Friends till we rock no more. Rock on or die.

Ok, so maybe it would be something like that..... I haven’t quite figured out the wording. But I think you get the picture.

Friendship is this thing that I keep marveling at throughout my life. The friends that come and go. The arguments and misunderstandings. The hurt feelings and pain the closest of friends can bring. But if we agree, in the beginning, to be there in the end we will know that an argument doesn’t mean the end. That geographical space doesn’t mean no longer a close connection. By allowing space, we get closer.



Friendship can be rare, but it’s a beautiful thing. You just have to be willing to work towards it. I am. Are you?

When Lilacs linger...

When the scent of lilacs linger and
the pink petals of spring
bid farewell to winter’s death,
a new spring is born.
The Cherry Blossom
whispers it’s secret:
Summer is coming!
The sun pushes his boundaries with the night sky,
Asking a few more minutes before heading to bed.
The sun wakens and warms the sleepy wintery moods,
transforming the soul and warming the heart along with the skin.
An exchange has been made,
death
to make room for new life.
Time to grow.



It's lilac season and nothing makes me happier then the scent of lilacs....well, a lot of things make me happy. This is just one of them. There is something so comforting to the scent. It eases my soul and makes my heart melt. Someday, when I get married, I want it to be on April Fool's day in a garden of lilacs.

The Doors of Rejection

I recieved two letters in the mail today. One from North Carolina School of Performing Arts and the other from Purchase at the State University of New York. They were two skinny letters. It doesn't take too many words to say "Thanks for auditioning but we don't want you."
If anything, this just confirms my plans to move to Toronto in the late summer/ early fall. I was looking at Second City training centers again to get an idea when I need to register.
Although I feel a little deflated about my rejection I realize that this will not stop me from acting and learning to become the best actor and comedian I am possible of becoming. Perhaps society and the educational system may not be able to trace my steps of learning, but who says you need to conform to the standards? I know there have been many great actors who were told "We cannot accept you" and who didn't give up and became great. It takes hard work to become great. I will continue. It's just alittle disheartening at the moment.
On other news, the boy that broke my heart this summer suddenly came back into my life last weekend. He came over to my house and apologized for about 5 hours saying what a jerk he was and how he got scared and that he was an idiot. I couldn't help but agree with him. I thought his intentions were sincere but as the week passed and he didn't call (he is "really busy") I found myself doubting him. This is not a good start. I've already made my decision. As much as I wish we could make this work, I will not do all the sacraficing and compramising to make it convenient for him. I believe a relationship is something both people want to make the effort to work. If he was really crazy about me and wanted to get back together I believe he would find time to call, just to say "hi" or leave a wierd message or something. My guy friends show me more affection and appreciation then he has.
More than anything I wish I was wrong about him and he has a really REALLY good reason he hasn't called all week, but I have a feeling that he just isn't that into me. And frankly, I don't want my heart to be broken again... at least not by the same source. That just seems dumb.
I seem to see a lot of doors in my face. Some are shut for me and some I've had to shut. Perhaps this is all preparing me for some great next move. It's just a little difficult to see at the moment.
I hang on to what I know: God has a great plan for me, he doesn't make mediocre people with mediocre lives. He wants the best for me and sometimes the best is not the easist.
Thanks God for being good and not just nice.

Hopeing, Not Expecting....

I've discoverd my attitude towards life by observing my reactions to life situations lately.
While my rather Pollyanna-esque attitude may seem a little too niave for my friends, I can't help but hope for the best.
It is a crazy world out there, but perhaps if I put my standards low, then everything seems so wonderful, or better than I expected. I reach for the stars because I know it gets me farther than if I just stood there with my arms at my sides. It is such an amazing beautiful (and I don't mean in just all the "nice" ways) world. Life is good, not nice, but good.
I love this quote I read once. It was something along the lines that life is like a good wine. It's not just for anyone. You have to aquire a taste for it.
With every experience, whether it be painful, joyful, beautiful, terrorfying, or something else.....you adjust that pallette.
I love life. I really do. I love to look for the good and beautiful in every situation. What can this teach me? What window does this let me see into in my friend? How has this changed who I am?
I guess, I feel like a child. Seeing the day with wonder and awe.
Is this too niave? Will I grow out of this? I hope not.
I just hope I'm not the only one.

Curtain Call

The production of "Noises Off" has come and gone. It was a wonderful experience to work with my high school director one more time before he died.
At auditions back in December we were informed and prepared that Dana might not live through the whole prodcution. Doctors had only given him a couple of month left to live before the cancer took over. I think it's safe to say that we all tried as much as we could to prepare ourselves, but I'm sure we all thought the best and planned on him being there the whole way through.

Rehearsals were a great. Tireing, aggrivating at times, and productive. Personally, I was very intimidated by my role. I was playing "Brooke" the ditzy girl that runs around in her underwear. Dana wanted to give this role to me as his last gift as a teacher. He knew it would be a big challenge, but he knew I would take it and run with it....I just didn't know I could.
Dana saw the first three shows, but had to go into the hostpital for Saturday's performance. By the next Thursday he was gone. He went to the doctors and they were surprised that he was still up and running. A man in his condition normally would be in a coma. He managed to fly home from the doctors Wednesday night, and was home with his family and best friends all of Thursday. We heard news of his failing health right before going up. After curtain call we met in a room and we told he had passed away during the third act.

There was something magical about that night, and the performances that followed. We dedicated every moment, every line, every breath to Dana and his vision for the show. Dana wanted to leave the theatre hearing people "laugh their asses off". I think we were very successful in doing that. We extended the show one more weekend to share the gift of laughter just a little longer.
By closing night the show was completely different than when we first began. More lively and even more funny.
I still hear compliments from people, some from complete strangers who come into the bank. They say they have never laughed so hard and it was exactly what they needed.
Dana's passion to use laughter to create unity and healing is something I think that I got from him. He may be gone, but what he has taught and passed on to each one of us that knew him. He will always be here.
Here's to Dana. Here's to laughter.

And here's to world peace one laugh at a time.

It's called acting my dear

Acting. What is it that lights the fire under my ass and gives me so much joy about acting? I will aknowedge that the applause has something to do with it. It is quite lovely to bust your ass on stage, letting a character over take you, and enjoy the life of someone else only to be awakened by the sound of applause two hours later.

But to seek laughter and applause merely to please myself seems a little empty.

There have been moments during a show where magic seems to happen. When all the actor's homework is done, the ensemble is tight leaving no room for ego, and there is an audience sitting in their seat open to letting their imagination take them for a ride.....suddenly everyone in this space is connected. By "cosmic juice" if you will.

I have to admit, it's only happend to me a few times on stage...but those few moments have hooked me forever in the pursuit to find them again.

So what if I took this approach to my relationship with God?

If I used my actor's homework to find the character of God, would I find myself being taken over by his character? Suddenly it wouldn't be me reacting to people. Julisa would have taken a back seat, while watching this new character love people with so much peace and patience I know it couldn't be me.

It's just a thought. In the midst of auditions, rehearsals, and shows, I think I will always be studying this character "God".

But as for my reason for acting....maybe I just want to act with this guy:

'Cause he's just so darn cute.

Another shot

I had a blog before...but among the millions of passwords I've created in my lifetime....my blogspot password has eluded me. So now I must begin again.

Curses!

Well....let's see if I can keep this one up.

Here's a brief overview since I last had an entry:

In June I went to Germany for the world cup. In July I moved back home from Northern Ireland and got real serious real fast with a boy. My heart was broken. I got a job working as a bank teller. In September I played Rosaline in Shakespeare's "As You Like It" and suddenly remembered I came home to be an actress....not a girlfriend. So.... applied for school at North Carolina School of Performing Arts. In December I was cast in "Noises Off" to play "Brooke" (the underwear girl) with my high school director who is diagnosed with cancer and has 3-6 months to live. I've begun rehearsals for said show and am working on my audition pieces for NCSPA. I fly to San Fran for auditions in Feb. By day I still working as a bank teller - and I love it.

And that, my friend, has been my life (in a nutshell) since last April.

Cheers.