Screen of Humiliation

Nothing knocks the coolness out of you faster than face planting it right into a screen door.
That just happened. About 5 minutes ago. I was leaving the BBQ and heading home across the street....and as I exited into the kitchen I also walked into the screen door. It made this huge crashing noise and everyone saw. The only thing injured was my pride.

Lately I haven't felt all too graceful. My eyes have been really red from some infection so I have to wear my glasses. My face has been breaking out even more. I feel so awkward and uncute that I don't seem to care much anymore. Good looks are a fickle thing.

I thought it would be the reverse living in such an outward appearance focused society, but seeing so many people put so much money and effort into looking good, it all seems so hopeless and empty. I don't find myself longing for it anymore.

Seeing the 50 year old "Coco"s and "Summers" with their raisening skin and dark eye makeup matching their dark roots makes them all seem the same. Chasing after something they should have long let go of. I've seen so many Gucci, Prada, and Luis Vitton bags that they seem cheap to me. Labels have lost their luster on me (not that they had much of a grasp).

Now that I seem to be struggling to make ends meet and be financially wise I see so much waste out there.

Is it weird to say that I am darkly enjoying my struggle to pay my bills and watch every penny I spend? I feel I'm having an opportunity so many of my local customers will never experience. I watch them drive away in their BMWs and Mercedes...to what?

There are days I find bitterness and jealousy in my heart. Yet I try to keep my chin up and say "You will make it".

These days will not be forever. In the mean time I must soak up all this learning experience and live....to the fullest. And there lies the riches.

So....maybe a run in with a few screen doors is what we all need. Wake us up and laugh at ourselves...and move on.