Chaplin, Hollywood, and 5 Yrs.

Happy Birthday Charlie Chaplin!!
He's been my inspiration in so many ways. I still get giddy by the sight of his old studio on La Brea.

It's also the 5th anniversary of moving from my Pacific Northwestern hometown to Hollywood.

No idea what was ahead of me then. I still have no idea what is ahead of me now, but I do know that I feel fulfilled and happy as can be.

5 years ago I picked up and moved to LA planning on being there for only a year. Just to take improv classes at the iO West and then I was going to be off to New York City to pursue my career in the Theatahhh!

A year went by, I moved to 3 different apartments, found a circle of friends that instantly felt like family. I finished up my training (although, do you ever finish learning improv? heck no!) at the iO West, auditioned and was put onto a regularly performing improv team on Friday nights. I started picking up little jobs here and there. Dabbled in background/extra work. 3 months was all I could handle of it. And when things were starting to look really dark - I was completely broke, I gave my roommate a month's notice. I couldn't pay rent, my bags were packed, and I was going to head back home. Right after calling to notify my parents to air out my old room I got a call from the AFTRA-SAG credit union offering me a job (I had applied weeks earlier but had given up). Called the parents back. Told them "nevermind", LA wasn't done with me yet.

The credit union helped me pay rent and make some really great connections with other artists in the industry. Suffice it to say, I was much better at networking than being a bank teller.... I was let go 9 months later. I honestly couldn't have been happier. I knew it wasn't the job for me, but who was I to turn down a steady income offered to me? A couple weeks of unemployment and I was back to figuring out what roof I would stay under. Fly home? Crash on a friend's couch? Stick it out a little longer? Thankfully I was rescued by dear friends who had an extra room. I made a promise to them. 2 months. That's as long as I would stay... whether I found a job or not.

Thanks to my friends - who I like to call my "heart family" I was able to find work on commercial and film sets as a craft service girl. In those two months I made enough to get back on my feet and secure a studio apartment all to myself. Finally! After moving 5 times in about 3 years and having crazy roommates (at one point I lived in a house with 10 other girls), I finally had a place to call my own. A little over 2 years in LA and I was starting to feel settled. I had a theatre company I was part of and taking scene study classes there. I filmed my first silent film. Was regularly taking voice lessons, working on sets, and exploring more of LA. I even got to work at the Oscars! The fear of not being able to pay next month's rent was always there but I kept on. Trusting things would come up. And they did.

When crafty gigs slowed down I managed to find a job with one of my castmates I was in a play with at the time. I started working with him and another friend who was in the play. Not only did I get a job out of that play, but I also met my future husband. Not the castmate, his brother. One of my best girlfriends is marrying the castmate now as well.

See!? How little I knew back then! One of the girls I became best friends with right at the beginning of my Hollywood adventures would turn out to be my future sis in-law. We always seemed to date the same guys all those years, no surprise we would marry brothers.

This time last year I had been dating Eric for about 9 months and were talking about moving in together. He lived in Big Bear, CA (about 100 miles east of LA). I wasn't getting many auditions and I was tired of the shooting happening outside my apartment on a regular basis so I thought, why not? The transition wasn't easy. I still miss my LA family very very much. But I made new friends...

Since moving to Big Bear I have had more auditions and more creative projects going than in my first 4 years. I still go down to LA regularly. Booked my first TV show a couple weeks ago and booked my first commercial a couple months ago! Now a proud member of the SAG-AFTRA union too!

Busy writing/filming/ and acting in a sketch comedy show (Happy Hour Sketch Comedy) here in Big Bear and I am also in the early stages of creating a non-profit theatre company - Big Bear Theatre Project.

5 years. I heard before I moved that for a lot of people in LA it takes about 3-5 years for things to feel like they are falling into place and for you to figure out just where in the heck you're going.

I'm getting married next month. Now there's a new adventure!

I'm happy. And I'm super happy that every time I was on the verge of giving up, for some odd reason I didn't or couldn't.

So, my dear friend, keep going. It truly is about the journey.

Slow and steady...

It's been quite a while since I last posted.
The new BIG news is I booked my first commercial.
You can see it below if ya like:



Finally after going out on auditions for about 3 years I finally booked my first "big" commercial. It was a regional one that played up in my hometown in Washington state (among a few other areas in the States). What lovely surprise to see myself up on the big screen in the movie theaters and on T.V where my friends from home could see me. And just in time for Christmas! Merry Christmas indeed!

This April will be my 5 year anniversary for moving to California. Until I was engaged to my fiancé my parents kept thinking I would come back home eventually. I'm super glad I stuck it out.
And now as we have finished the first month of the new year I am motivated even more. This one booking has taught me that it worth it to just keep going. Do what you love, don't give up, and the right things will happen at the right time.

I'm glad I didn't book this commercial until now. Over the years I have gotten myself acquainted with film sets thanks to working as a "background artist" (when I first arrived) and especially thanks to working Craft Service on sets for the last 2 years. I knew who everyone was - or at least what each crew member actually did. I knew who to talk to if I had a question. And I THOROUGHLY enjoyed having my own room in the trailer to hang out it. Granted, they weren't long breaks but my name was on the door...on masking tape and permanent marker.

By no means was this shoot easy. We were filming during a heat wave in LA in late November while wearing all that winter gear. I was taped into my costume and sweating non-stop. At one point they had to stop production so I could get ice down my shirt to keep me from passing out. I got a bit dizzy and cross-eyed. I kept thinking it would be just one more take. I could do it!

After all was said and done I came home exhausted and never more happy with a day at work. I was prepared, I was professional, I worked my ass off, and I was happy. I was doing what I had originally set out to do.

The funny thing is is that I remember in high school swearing up and down I would never do commercials. Little did I know that 10 years later they would make me the happiest camper.

I can not wait to do another one. I hope I don't have to wait another 3 years (or more). But in the meantime I am staying productive and continuing to move one step at a time.

This month I start in rehearsals for The 39 Steps working with The Big Bear Theatre Project and I'm filming a few sketches to air for the local T.V station - while also producing and running a few of their morning shows.

I'm hoping to film my silent western film this summer. Thankfully Big Bear has the perfect location for that.

So. Just keep going. Be prepared for when the time comes because you never know when that is. Every day has something new to teach you that you may find useful when new and bigger opportunities come.

I'm excited for this year. It's going to be a great one.

My eloquent response....

Please allow me to be girly, gushy, and giddy.

The proposal:

Yesterday afternoon Eric got home from work and asked if I would like to go for a hike. I agreed, and after having a lovely romantic dinner of Kraft Mac and Cheese with hotdogs while watching an episode of Reno 911 we headed out for our hike. We headed up to a mountain top where we first had our "first hike" together last Labor Day. I always loved the view from up top and was also quite sentimental about it.

Once we had made it up the hill I noticed there was a bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes.
"Oh my gosh Eric! Someone left champagne up here!"
"Hey, we should open it!"
"No! It's not ours! Put it back. We might be ruining a perfectly great proposal or something. Come on, we gotta get out of here in case they show up."
Eric proceeded to open the bottle and I started to freak out (surprise surprise).
While I frantically was looking around to see if the happy couple were on their way Eric said, "Well, I think this is as good a time as any." And he pulled out a ring box and and handed it to me. "Will you marry me?"
I opened it up and inside I saw a bunch of green twisty-ties in the form of a ring.
"Is this a joke?" I asked. I didn't want to get too excited and look like an idiot for just assuming. I had joked earlier that he didn't need to get me a fancy ring. He could just give me a green twisty-tie.
"No, it's not a joke."

"HOLY SHITBALLS!" I yelled across the canyon floor. "I mean 'Yes!', yes I'll marry you!"
Unwrapping the ring took quite awhile and my flustered state did not help the moment.

Little did I know that on Thursday Eric was able to finally pick up the finished ring (he had ordered it 5 weeks ago), on the way home he called my dad and asked for his blessing. My dad responded "You got it boy!". Friday afternoon Eric had left work early and stopped by the house to pick up his bike and ice packs (for the champagne). He biked/hiked out to the location (taking two hours out in the woods - he got a bit lost), got everything set up, and made it home by 5pm. Flopped down on the couch and said "Wanna go for a hike?"....


We sipped our champagne and enjoyed the view for a little while. We toasted our glasses and then threw them over the cliff with a dramatic crash (Sorry, yes, I littered). Trying to beat the dark night sky we rushed back to the car, glugging the rest of the champagne from the bottle along the path.

We video skyped our parents, called a few friends, then of course promptly updated our Facebook status.

Ta-da! (sorry it's a little blurry...)

I'll keep you posted on all that "other stuff" later when we figure it out. For now, I'm going to enjoy being a fianceé.....weird!

City Mouse, Country Mouse

Two weeks of living in Big Bear now and I love it. I think I've discovered the perfect formula for me for my transition. Two days in LA and the rest of the week in Big Bear. I find I can now enjoy Hollywood so much more now that I've taken a step back, and I love Big Bear because I still get to get out into the city regularly. I prefer the ratio of mountain to city to favor more on the mountain side.

I can feel the plaque build up, the jaded and cynic residue, of living in LA slip away. Once again I enjoy sitting in coffee shops and overhearing conversations about the latest movie deal, who's doing what film, what show is canceled, etc. That tinge of snobbery for being and living in the "biz". And then when I'm "up the hill" I get to overhear conversations about when it's time to get the boat out, the prep for the LA tourists to come up for tourists season, the dread of having to drive "down the hill" to get something. That tinge of snobbery for living up on the mountain. I love people. I love listening and watching. Observing and learning. What a kick.

Still enjoying working in the theatre up here just as much, if not more, than on the first day. I've been working painting sets for The King and I. I love listening to the five ladies that work all day in the theatre painting. What a fun contrast to the days when I was working on sets in college. The women here remind me of The Golden Girls. Could not be happier! Hearing one squabble over someone taking her favorite brush, another trying to make a joke about the "I like big butts" song and not remembering the rest of the lyrics or the actual tune of it. I like watching the little flare ups that quickly light up between the director, the set designer, the "painters", and guys who build the sets. All having worked together for close to 16 years they all have their own opinions about what will be best. I like how each person comes up to me to give me a little tid-bit of advice for dealing with another person.

Today I watched as the director added a few more roles for the ladies painting to play in the show. It's always tough finding enough people to fill out a large cast when you have a small community to pick from. They will be playing the wives, slaves, dancers, and even men characters. Talk about a jack of all trades. Oh did I mention somewhere between their costume changes they need to help move the set? Oh! And I almost forgot! Since this is The King and I and this is a mostly white community the actors were asked at the meeting last Saturday to use fake tanner and dye their hair black.

I love community theatre. I have a harder time actually watching the shows, but the lead up is my favorite. To watch how everything comes together. How people creatively overcome ridiculous obstacles. Little to no funding, small casting pool, people dropping out at the last minute, some people's first time on stage. It's beautiful.

I look forward to learning so much. What a great new adventure!

I don't need to make it. I need to be needed.

It's nice to be needed. Real nice.

This past weekend I moved out of LA and up a mountain to Big Bear Lake. It's approximately 100 miles away from LA. 50ish miles east and another 50ish up (7000 ft. elevation) the mountain's windy roads. I really like it here. I moved so I could be with my boyfriend (so we didn't have to commute every weekend) and move forward our totally awesome relationship. Makes sense to me. I like hanging out with the guy and I'd like to see him more than just weekends.

The other good news is that I get to be back in the theatre! I've been moved in for one day now and already I made a visit to the local theatre. I sat with the ladies preparing for this summer's production of The King and I and got a tour of their new location they just finished building. They are so proud of it and I think it is great. They built a warehouse and made it into a black box theatre so they can build sets, rehearse, and put on smaller shows between the two big productions they do at the performing arts center in town. They have been working on building this new theatre for years! Congrats to them!

After 4 years in LA and trying out many of the LA things: new acting classes, auditions, film, t.v, commercials, craft service, background work, crew, theatre, making a silent film of my own, working the Oscars, etc. I find that my heart still belongs to the theatre. More specifically - community theatre. I'm not going into this new theatre to be a big fish from the city with big ideas on how to run things. I'm coming in wanting to be of help. Help with anything. Lights, sets, props, costumes, whatever! I just want to give to the art I love so much. I am fascinated by community theatre. It's sweated over with pride and labors of love. No one is paid here. This is all volunteer and there is so much pride in what they do and what they have accomplished. I will always love acting and entertaining, but I love getting down and dirty with everything that leads to opening night as well. I will be totally honest. The look of glee in their eyes as I said I wanted to be of help and that I have 15 years of working in the theatre of a similar kind - it made me feel really good. For too long I've held jobs where I feel at the lowest rung of a ladder or the most easily disposed of. I've tried to offer my help out in the theatres in LA and have never been looked at once. God, it feels great to have someone say "we would LOVE to have you here!"

It's nice to feel back at home completely. It may take awhile to get a job up here in Big Bear (I hear prospects aren't so good) so I'll keep working my 2 days at the Kodak. And for the rest of the time, I will happily keep myself busy at the local theatre.

I love being in the theatre! It's nice to be back.

Universal Storytelling

This beautiful short silent film is up for an Oscar this year.
Please take a look at at. This film, to me, represents exactly what I want to do with my short films.

I laughed, I cried, and I fell in love. Hope you do too.

The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore

Success

If you knew you would never become a "success" (by our society's popular definition) would you still be doing what you are doing now?

This Tinsel town is a place I love to hate and also just plain love. On a daily basis I run into people who have packed their bags the week before and headed toward this city of their dreams. Met people who have actually said "my dream is to become the next Paris Hilton/Kardashian"(I barf silently to myself). People who want to become famous for the sake of being famous shop for groceries side by side with people who just want to create art and get it out to the world.
I can go see a silent movie, go swing dancing in a 1920's art deco building with a live swing band, see movies in the Hollywood cemetery, hear the LA Philharmonic, have a picnic under the Hollywood sign, or just curl up in my little studio apartment and know there is always something to do. However, some love the other side of Hollywood - the clubs, the premiers, the celebs, the casting couch...whatever your little starlet heart desires it's here in Hollywood.

But after reading a few blogs lately, this post specifically, I've been thinking about what I really want in life. I know that I want to make as many people happy and laugh and love life as I possibly can. To entertain and capture audiences with amazingly heart felt stories. I dream of the day I do a stand-up show to a sold out theatre, sing jazzy lounge songs in a cafe, screen my silent film to a receptive large audience, write a best-selling book of humorous essays, bring down the house after some amazing tap dance number, or make my Oscar acceptance speech.

But those things may never happen.

What I want is to resolve to be OK with that. What if over my lifetime I made a million people laugh but not all at once in packed houses - but one by one. Crack a joke to the cashier at the grocery store. Do stand-up at open mics in front of other comedians who are a tough crowd. Tap dance my heart out only in class in front of the other 2 students. Write funny stories and just post them on this blog. Post my silent film on Facebook and hope people see it. Day by day. One person at a time.

Is it success when the world pats you on the back? Or success when you go to bed and know that that day you did what made your heart happy?

To those in Hollywood - why are you here? There is no "right" or "wrong" answer - but by answering it you may find a new insight into your happiness. I want everyone to be happy and feel alive. We don't know how long we have here (we are reminded all too often). And if I could hug your right now I would...but I can't.

You are an artist. You have art living in you and around you. I hope you see that and use it today.


For those of you who want to be the next Hilton/Kardashian..... I wish I had something witty and loving to say, but I am at a loss for words. I just don't understand that world.

But for all of us who are scraping by to stay here another month - I believe today is your success.